Investment in choice

Today I am thinking about what psychologist Erik Eriksson said about finding meaning in life and dedicating yourself to that meaning. He dramatically said: "At some point you realize that you're given this one chance in all of eternity to enact an identity and to play it out in the real world". I find it hard to find the unique thing that should govern my life and that I should follow constantly and inherently throughout my existence. This is mainly due to the fact that I can seldom decide what is the best solution, the best option, for any type of activity: either choosing what clothes to wear in the morning or choosing my major. I struggle between light-"feather-ish" decisions, to deep threatening ones, which would definitely severe my whole future life. Thus I ended up with 2 majors (and still wishing to get fed up with my decision by the time I get 40 so that I can start my third one, preferably at this point History-Archaeology). I end up wasting 10 more minutes in any shop due to the burden of decision-making, wasting half an hour more deciding what play to go to on a Friday evening, frowning at choosing whatever color for my nail polish and so on. But I indulge myself saying that this is not wasted time, this is my investment in choice. I learn to choose this time, I find, or merely I perceive the impact, I internalize it, I transcend it, so that next time I am faced with that crossing of decisions I shall know which way to go without pondering too much. However there is not always time for this pseudo-investment, sometimes you have to put it out there: I am taking the second left as this is my best identity to play this time. But I'd better be consistent, otherwise feeling sorry later on would do no good. The lesson that I keep on learning is to accept that I have to make choices, and that I have to follow their consequences. And for the greatest steps of existence there is only one chance to do so. And I believe that this is what Erik meant by enacting the identity and plying it out open. You sometimes have 0 investment and a whole lot to gain (or to lose, for that matters). But economics teaches us there is no free lunch and that high leverage costs a lot. Can we oversee these materialistic keynesian rules when we enact our identity though?

The moment

I am having the sort of moment of awe, of total bliss, of restoration. I am watching seagulls with their moon-lit bellies (or maybe artificially lit by some massive street light, nevermind the source) fly somewhere above my neighborhood, I am listening to the perfect song randomly offered to me on a plate by Soundcloud, everything cumulated in the perfect moment. And I felt the need to write again, to secretely take my colorindrops out of oblivion. Sounds strange, though, I know, but it is my secret and my oblivion that I am talking about now. And my tool today is my painting. Today I strived, I crushed my soul to give out the most of me on carton-paper, and the most clear view I got was neither the velvet static nature, nor the shadowy flowers laid down below my eyes, but some randomly scattered brushy colors that I put on paper only after I finalized my previous "works of art". Is this a lesson I should take for free? Give all you can, try and do something, thinking that you have to painfully do what you are doing, that this is IT... and in the end getting the most of it, on a totally different road, just like that. Wow. I do like it.

Gradina

Sufletul nostru trebuie constant sapat, iscodit, insamantat si rascolit. Cele mai nastrusnice sentimente si nabadai pot ajunge sa isi faca un mic culcus acolo. Dar trebuie sa avem grija sa mai smulgem buruienile, sa aruncam gunoiul, sa aducem lucruri frumoase, si sa incercam sa folosim cele mai bune unelte. Trebuie sa vorbim cu florile si copacii care cresc acolo, sa aducem alte flori in vizita si sa o ticsim cu bucurii, in masura in care avem puterea sa o facem. Gradina asta in care crestem efectiv noi insine trebuie plivita cu mare atentie si dedicatie, ca mai apoi sa ne putem bucura de rezultatul muncii noastre.

Citesc un blog absolut minunat, care ma umple de energie pozitiva, de calm si de speranta: suntuncopac.com, si care tocmai mi-a sadit aceasta bucata de intelepciune in suflet.

P.S. Melodia care ma incanta azi este a Alexandrinei, Printre flori: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNDrZPctw1E&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Résoudre

Parlant de ma vie,
ça n'a pas suffit
Pour me faire pleurer...
Toujours il faut bouger,
Autour du monde entier,
Autour des affaires.

Je voudrais te résoudre
Avec un coup de foudre;
Autant je vais crever
Aux personne d'ici,
Au mon homme de loin,
Aux amours des temps perdus...

Water

Thales believed that water is the quintessential element that stands at the basis of everything that surrounds us. He also thought that matter was alive, which can even be argued upon today. However, the wonder and greatness of Thales comes from the fact that he doubted mythology and started thinking about water as an element itself, fundamental to all matter. Theories can be developped from any issue above and beyond, but the essential part of any theory is doubting, questioning, searching for answers and for the Truth.

Grins

The world grins these days. It grins to the random passers-by, to the unintentionally lost individuals, to the hurried masses. Holidays are coming and the world grins through colorful light(bulbs) and happy Christmas decorations. Presents are to be exchanged and joy to be expanded. We are somehow forced to be happy or otherwise we are removed from scene. Or better said the scene bluntly removes us. Everywhere I look I see the grin of the cat from Alice in Wonderland, upside down or inside out, somewhere between the adorned trees and the homeless violin player at the corner. However the grin gets you by and it slowly enters in your veins, in your brain, until you, yourself, breathe happiness. It's not bad, not bad at all. This forciful entry can either way have good consequences. Merry Christmas everybody!

Mi montana

Vengo de decirte:
Eres una montana
Y no te puedo subir.
Necesito arrastrarme de cozas
Quizas arboles o flores.
Necesito hablar
Pero la montana no escuche.